Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
