Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
