I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize