he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
