Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
