Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
