I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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