Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
