Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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