i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
