i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
