you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
