You really coming over, don't trick.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
