I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just invented taco cereal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
