It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
