I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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