I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
