there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
