my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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