im about as happy as oj after his trial
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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