Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize