508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
