just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
