We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just google imaged poop.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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