i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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