TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
