We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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