I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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