you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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