once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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