I just saw a hot homeless man
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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