last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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