Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
