Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
