Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
