I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want a musical about memes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
