i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
