Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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