There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
