There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize