Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
