He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
