You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
