Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
