My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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