I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
