Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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