your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
