Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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