i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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