who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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