I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
