Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
