i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
