I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
