She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
