It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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