i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
