Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
