ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
