If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
