sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
