dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
