She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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