he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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