i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
