i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
