i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
