Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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