and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize