If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
